Excitement

I am leaving to go to camping with the Campbell crew tomorrow. It's funny because when Andrew first told me that we would be going to camp in the middle of a lake on a small island with no power and even worse....no flush toilets, gasp!. I was totally freaked out, to say the LEAST. I did not grow up in a family of campers. When the rest of the family went camping my parents would get a hotel room, and yes, the apple does not fall far from the tree. However, in the last year or two I am slowly, slowly coming around. I still hate no showers and I still dread port a potties, but I can make do. I have decided that it's worth the dirtiness and bit of discomfort for the beautiful places that I have been able to see thanks to camping. In fact just the other day Andrew's dad Doug started to question my loyalty to our alliance. We joined forces when I first ventured up to the lake with them. I was so relieved to discover that Doug didn't enjoy camping either. He did not squeal at the mention of the A boat, Hill's coffee runs, getting "fresh" and tents. Thank goodness, I was not alone! But now, for good reason, he is worried that I have turned to what we will call the darkness. Yes, sadly, I am on the fence about camping and I'm afraid, about to fall over onto that side that will make me a full fledged happy camper, or at least, less of a bitchy one.
So on to the original intent of my post. I am so excited! I am so ready to head up to the lake for a few days of boating, chatting, reading and relaxing, yes, camping. There I said it, I'm excited to go camping. Although I feel this really strong need to be content today, this minute, here where I am and not miss out on the next two days because I'm constantly looking ahead. Excitement is such a cool thing, but really, for me it can have the power to ruin my present because I'm so busy planning, list-making and checking off, packing, dreaming about the days to come. Especially with the time of year that it is, my job demands that I focus and give it my all for the next few days. This morning when I woke up I was having a rough morning. I was just ready to go straight to vacation, ski pover the next two days and be gone. I went for a run early came back and promptly fell asleep which is not usual. Then I was running late, my hair was terrible, the shirt I put on had a hole in it. Yes, I was ready for vacation. I got in the car and was driving to work, when I heard a song that was telling how Amazing God is in THIS place. I was thinking about the fact that I could easily have missed all that God had planned for me in preparation and work the next few days instead of focusing on where HE is working RIGHT Now. THIS MINUTE. In THIS place.

Give me your best shot

Today we took the day and went down to Uncle Gene's house. Andrew hadn't been down there yet and it had been several years since I had made the trek down the palouse. Dad had told Andrew to pack his clubs so they could practice hitting golf balls into the river. Gene's back yard backs right up to the Snake River and makes an ideal driving range. As soon as we got down there Andrew was scoping it out, he was just sure that he could drive it clear across, something that Dad has only managed once. So after a very eventful day, which included an impromptu helicopter ride, Dad and Andrew headed down to the beach to try their luck. I enjoyed documenting the attempts, quite hilarious actually, as competitive as the two of them are. Unfortunately there was a strong wind blowing right back to the shore keeping their "old balls" just short of the far shore.

Mommy (Sort Of) for a Week

This week my youngest counsin Dominic came to stay with us. My mom being the oldest in her family has taken on the role of amazing aunt/grandmother for this little child. Well, he's not all that little anymore, he's six now and often talks about "when he was a little boy."

It has been fun to have him here this week. It reminds me of how much and how innate the desire is inside of me to be a mother. But, it also reminds me of how far I am from being ready to step up and handle that gift. I have never questioned whether or not I will be a mother, I have known for a long time that was something that was meant to come into my life. However, I view being a mother as a supreme gift as well as the greatest of challenges. I often have irrational worries about my children already...what if they dislike me? what if they don't get along with one another? what if they move across the country and never visit? or write? what if they are sick? what if they are depressed? what if they have problems that I am not able to solve?

All of these seem irrational now and of course, I'll say it, many of these things are inevitable. Right? What about the sleepless nights? what if I never get to nap again, ever? what if I get fat from eating their leftovers? what if? what if? what if?

Or what if, all of these things come and it turns out that I am completely inept at parenting? What if my husband is completely inept at parenting?

However, this week has struck a cord with me. It was funny because the first night he was here Dominic announced that he would be sleeping with me, in my twin bed. Hmmm, okay, although he's rather tall he's also really skinny so I thought maybe this would be fine. However, as soon as we get into bed he lifted up his shirt and asked me to "tickle" his back, which means he wanted to fall asleep while I continued to scratch his back. Must be nice huh? So we both pass out and I wake up the next morning to him giggling in the bathroom doing some sort or male peeing thing in the bathroom at 5 a.m. Apparently there was something hilarious going on that was lost on me. What is it that little boys find so funny about peeing?

Just this morning I woke up to go running with Andrew before work. I crawled out of bed and tried to get past Dominic without him waking up. But of course, he woke up and asked where I was going. When I got back from my run he asked me why I got up so late last night to go running. Ha. He made me feel impressive for getting up "in the middle of the night" to go running.

I had kind of a freak out momen when I was driving home from work on Monday. I was thinking about the fact that he is there when I leave and still waiting for me when I come home. I have to admit that Mom has had the bulk of the time taking care of him this week has given me, for the first time, a real feeling of what it must be like to be a mom.

The Girls

I am so looking forward to spending a weekend with the girls this weekend. We have many things to celebrate, memories to relive, more to make, and futures to ponder. It has been a few months since the five of us girls have been in the same place at the same time, this weekend is a huge blessing. It's very exciting to think about heading off to camp with some of my very best friends. I also have to keep pushing the thoughts out of my mind that are reminding me that this will be the last time in a long time that all of us will be able to spend time like this, like "normal."

New and exciting goals have captured each of us, our sights have refocused now that we are a couple years past college and our futures are stretching out ahead of us. Exciting, huh? For me, it's scary. It's hard to make the changes, everyone knows that I am miserable at change. At the times that I hate change the most it is when each of us is making me so proud to be who we are and going where we are going. Even though it seems scary now and it's painful for me in the moment, it's exciting to see the women that each of us is becoming. I have always fought change, but this time I have more peace than I have before. I know that each of us has established ourselves as young women and are continually moving forward into who we are to become while still remaining tightly knit.

So between continued education, male counterparts, new homes and whatever else is thrown our way, tonight I'm thankful that wherever these things take us that they will be shared and navigated together. As for tomorrow... my focus is on looking at the immediate future that is spending the weekend with some of the girls that mean to the most to me: many laughs, meals, hikes, pictures, memories and hugs. And I'm sure lots of crap for me posting this AWESOME picture of us.

Photo Captions

I am so horrible at HTML. I took a class way back sophomore year at Gonzaga but not much of that knowledge has lasted, apparently. I just want to be able to post my pictures with captions below them and then be able to continue writing. How do I do this? I am still learning! Be prepared to see many pictures posted will ill-fitted captions, bear with me!

My Ideal Saturday Morning