"May the God of hope rill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."


Romans 15:13





Over the past weeks and months I have been waiting to hear back from the nursing program, but what is more, is that I have been craving to be closer to my God. For the first time, when I was faced with a situation that I found difficult I felt keenly aware of where my focus should remain. I feel like it has taken a lot of hard situations to make this come out of me. To now try to fix something myself, jump in and take the reigns from God's hands (ha! yeah right!!!) and put them into my own. I like to be in control of my future and I like to know what is coming next. However, I have learned that this does not work. My driving skills are horrible, I speed, I have no perspective from which to make these decisions and really have no idea what is best for me. Sounds helpless, right? Well, I do know that it have a God, a Father, who is in control and knows what's best from me and has the perspective of eternity from which to view my life. He sees what is coming, what has gone before and where my heart is today, right now, this moment.





The reality of my situation during the past months is that my future was unknown; to any of you who know me, even a little, you know that this is a HUGE challenge for me. I want to speed things up, fast forward to being in the nursing program, planning my wedding and moving forward. Yet, here I was, right where God wanted me. I am a list maker, a calendar keeper, a planner. I like to know what is coming next. I find the most joy in the preparation, the anticipation. I don't like to be caught off guard. I am not a spontaneous person. I do now like to do things on a whim. Really. Call me boring, go ahead, do it, but don't ever call me unprepared.





I am learning trust and to wait. Because of my need for control, at least over my own life, trust is something that I struggle with. Or at least, really need to focus a lot on in order to get just a tiny little bit of it. Through this experience I finally saw, a glimpse of what it looks like to know that no matter what happens, God is still there and working out the details. One of the things that I had to keep in the forefront of my thoughts was that God hadn't forgotten my plea, he hadn't ignored my request. He was doing a work in me every moment. Even though I felt like I was being forced to stand still, HE was moving me forward. I don't want this to come off as if I never have had any faith in God's care of my life, nor that I have learned a perfect trust. I have just learned that perfect patience and faith in Him is what is called for. I have walked slowly, cautiously, feebly through the past few weeks, like a child, truly dependent on a Father.



"Let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."

James 1:4 KJV