Mommy (Sort Of) for a Week

This week my youngest counsin Dominic came to stay with us. My mom being the oldest in her family has taken on the role of amazing aunt/grandmother for this little child. Well, he's not all that little anymore, he's six now and often talks about "when he was a little boy."

It has been fun to have him here this week. It reminds me of how much and how innate the desire is inside of me to be a mother. But, it also reminds me of how far I am from being ready to step up and handle that gift. I have never questioned whether or not I will be a mother, I have known for a long time that was something that was meant to come into my life. However, I view being a mother as a supreme gift as well as the greatest of challenges. I often have irrational worries about my children already...what if they dislike me? what if they don't get along with one another? what if they move across the country and never visit? or write? what if they are sick? what if they are depressed? what if they have problems that I am not able to solve?

All of these seem irrational now and of course, I'll say it, many of these things are inevitable. Right? What about the sleepless nights? what if I never get to nap again, ever? what if I get fat from eating their leftovers? what if? what if? what if?

Or what if, all of these things come and it turns out that I am completely inept at parenting? What if my husband is completely inept at parenting?

However, this week has struck a cord with me. It was funny because the first night he was here Dominic announced that he would be sleeping with me, in my twin bed. Hmmm, okay, although he's rather tall he's also really skinny so I thought maybe this would be fine. However, as soon as we get into bed he lifted up his shirt and asked me to "tickle" his back, which means he wanted to fall asleep while I continued to scratch his back. Must be nice huh? So we both pass out and I wake up the next morning to him giggling in the bathroom doing some sort or male peeing thing in the bathroom at 5 a.m. Apparently there was something hilarious going on that was lost on me. What is it that little boys find so funny about peeing?

Just this morning I woke up to go running with Andrew before work. I crawled out of bed and tried to get past Dominic without him waking up. But of course, he woke up and asked where I was going. When I got back from my run he asked me why I got up so late last night to go running. Ha. He made me feel impressive for getting up "in the middle of the night" to go running.

I had kind of a freak out momen when I was driving home from work on Monday. I was thinking about the fact that he is there when I leave and still waiting for me when I come home. I have to admit that Mom has had the bulk of the time taking care of him this week has given me, for the first time, a real feeling of what it must be like to be a mom.